Wed, Jun 29, 2016
"When I jump into the water and realise that the crocodiles want to attack me, I just show them my bum and they move away."
In Africa, life can get interestingly wild. There is always that one headline that captures everyone’s imagination and the list cannot be exhausted. Some stories are simply disgusting while others are ridiculous to the point of being funny. The bottom-line however, is you cannot find this anywhere but in Africa.
Africa is home to some of the world’s craziest people. Not many however, come close to Million Gume. His name is special but it is his “purported” skills that make him superhuman; his bum scares away crocodiles. Yes, he says if he shows his bum, crocodiles flee from the scene. It seems his rear view is so bad it even repulses crocodiles and affects their appetite. Million, aged 30 is from the Mhinga Village in Malamulele which is in South Africa’s Limpopo. He told The Daily Sun that he has been swimming in the Luvhuvhu River for five years. The river is known for its crocodiles which have claimed many lives but his!
“The crocodiles are scared of me! When I jump into the water and realise that the crocodiles want to attack me, I just show them my bum and they move away. I then carry on with my famous bum swim,” he says.
Gume believes people enjoy watching him do the bum swim but definitely those people do not include George Matiyani. Matiyani is the Headman of the Mhinga Tribal Authority and he conclusively says, “The crocodiles aren’t scared of his bum. They will drag his bum into the deep waters and chew him up.”
In Zimbabwe’s Featherstone is a self-professed Messiah sent to Africa (the biblical Egypt). A man from the Chikomba region in Zimbabwe, Takaedza Mundione has made the claim that he is the Messiah predicted in Isaiah 19:20. He says he knows a lot of people who are masquerading as servants of his Father’s Kingdom, fleecing people of their money, acting as prophets. In his own words, Mundione claims, “I have come to change the game.”
He told the Daily News on Sunday, “The first miracle in my life took place when I was still a baby, crawling. The hut that I was in burnt to ashes but I did not die or get hurt. Owing to this experience, people gave me the name Shadreck as I was not affected by fire. As I grew up, I preferred preaching while sitting in fire (flames) and my favourite Bible verse was Psalms 23.”
His mother says Mundione’s best friends are angels from the heavens who trained him to preach the gospel. No one can know what game Takaedza Mundione is trying to change. In a predominantly Christian country, he will probably get crucified and his family will publicise this as confirmation of his divinity. If the Messiah has time, he may want to fast for another forty days for his country’s failing economy instead of wasting his spirituality in fires that are of no consequence.
Angry residents in Kenya carried out a rat protest against the Nyeri Members of County Assembly (MCA). The protests were dubbed “Operation Ondoa Panya” and they carried two hundred rodents for every Member. Their placards were inscribed “M-Rats” just to make sure the metaphor was not lost on the MCAs. The Co-ordinator of the protest said the use of rats was symbolic as it represented how “the MCAs had infested the County and (were) eating it away slowly. Like rats, these MCAs are stealing our money in the name of allowances, gyms and other irrelevant things”.
The “M-rats” did not take the whole protest kindly saying, “And why would they come all the way from Nairobi to bring rats in the county assembly of Nyeri, we for sure know they are misguided.” These were the words of the Deputy Speaker of the County Assembly, Mr Joel Gichuru.
From Nigeria came a disturbing and utterly disgusting story of an emaciated two year old toddler found starving and naked after his family abandoned him for being a wizard. The Independent reported that the boy who had been named Hope was found “emaciated and riddled with worms after being forced to live off scraps of food thrown to him by passersby for eight months”. The young boy was rescued by Anja Ringgren Loven, founder of African Children’s Aid Education and Development Foundation.
She then posted on Facebook, “Thousands of children are being accused of being witches and we’ve both seen torture of children, dead children and frightened children.”
This boy’s parents need to explain to the world how a two year old toddler could have bewitched people. The parents and the community made fools out of themselves with undeserved consequences on the part of the young boy. This is a sickening story and one hopes the madness does not spread. Toddlers do not bewitch people!
It is hilarious that some mainstream media companies pretend Africans are always swimming with crocodiles like glorified Tarzans or dumping their children because they thing they are witches. The truth is even in Africa, such stories are bizarre, strange and out of the ordinary. Everyone is equally surprised when these occur; it is not our daily routine to pretend to be the Messiah!
Tatenda is an advocate of cultural identity and African development. Interact with him on http://africanaforum.blogspot.com/
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